your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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