Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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