yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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