There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
