she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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