I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
