i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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