forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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