You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
