you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
