i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
