She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
