my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
