Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just found a bag of teeth...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
