last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
