Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
