You're my little dorito
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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