Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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