So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
