sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
