I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't put those talents on a resume
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
