There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want to make a zoo with you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
