What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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