He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
