I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
