is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
