so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
