Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
