in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
