I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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