Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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