I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
