I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We are all done wearing pants today
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
