cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
