"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
