I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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