sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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