it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
