Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So here I am, sexting at work.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
