At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
