census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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