I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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