Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There r osticjed everywhere
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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