Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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