I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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