How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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