Buhtt sex?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
