Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
