Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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