I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
