im drinking this country out of the recession.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
