I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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