The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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