Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
