I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
