KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How does it feel to date your dad?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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