Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
