apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
