Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
