carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
